Be good to yourself

Like many people (I wonder if just women do this), I have a little voice in my head that beats me down and on occasion it get's out of my head and is heard by friends who all say the same thing: don't talk like that about yourself.  


Awhile ago, a girlfriend took her little lesson one step farther: would you talk to your (precious) niece like that? She went on to say: the next time you want to berate yourself, ask yourself: would you ever say that to R?  Well, of course I would never talk to R like that, I would never say those berating comments to R. 


So, along with all of the new habits I am trying to form ... being good to myself is on the list. 

So ... it finally happened ...

And here I thought I'd be writing about W-m*rt, Grocery Store, L*wes, visit with parents, massage, bank, gas station, library and bank again but no .... it finally happened.


I've been struggling for a week now trying to eat some food (my stomach is growling) but (of course), not that much.  I'm one of *those* people who can not eat and simply not lose (sooooooo frustrating).  This ol' body has a memory like an elephant and will go into starvation mode in no time flat.  (I'm reminded of when I first got banded, was eating 500-600 cals and not losing !)


I made a divine grilled chz and bacon sandwich for lunch but this memory wanted more food.  Ok, I'll wait 45 mins and see.  Tick tock.  Still hungry.  Went into pre-band mode: ate too much junk, too fast and laid down (Coco and I have a standing Saturday afternoon nap). Then I started to feel weird.  Slime. Burp. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Up and into the bathroom.  Repeat.  I actually did toss a tiny bit.  All the while, Coco was sitting like a princess-croissant on my bed, waiting for me to return.


Woke up. Called Professor - "do not count on me eating much tonight" (as I don't really feel that good (I am typing and sipping water).


I feel like I'm a bit hung-over.  Oh, wait - that's just college football on tv.  I told you my body has a memory of it's own. 

   

Ten Things Thursday

Thanks, Laura over at Beer and Dogs :)  Here's my 10 Things:


1.  Went to the surgeon on Saturday - removed 0.5 cc.


2.  I can eat again without pain. Who would have thought 0.5 cc could make that much of a difference.


3.  In a way I feel like I'm starting over again figuring out a good amount (a good small amount) of food that I can eat that's good for me and stays with me for the longest time ...

4.  Lost 1.2 lbs this week. (43.6 since the pre-op diet.)


5.  Celebrating 13 weeks of Bandiversary (::: hello my band-twin, JRD :::)


6.  Celebrating 15 weeks of not having a single Cheez-it.  I had a two week pre-op diet to follow.  This is a band-miracle.


7.  I cannot even start to blog about work - it is just that awful.


8.  Am finally back on Eastern Standard Time.  Going to bed at 830am will get me up this early.  Hello, depression.


9.  Lowered my 401k (see work situation above) to make sure I can afford the gym I want to join.


10. Thankyouthankyouthankyou to my followers.  If I am not following you - please comment so that I can return the favor.

Back to the Surgeon

Spoke to the surgeon's office - not the psycho office manager but the woman who gave me the fill on Tuesday.  She did suggest that I come in for a tiny unfill so I'm headed there shortly.


While I have a ton of little goals - I think I did a post a list back in July - my ultimate goal is not so much a scale number but to be able to wear these size jeans:

Size 12 (I am almost positive they are Chic jeans), comfy and of course I thought I was fat. 

I can do anything for eight hours

Good morning !  TGIF !  And, as I say to myself every Friday:  I can do anything for eight hours ! 

Doing better on the jet lag.  In bed at 959, asleep at 10pm. Up at 520am.  Made cupcakes for Professors birthday (we're going to a bonfire tomorrow night).  They're butter pecan flavored (his fav ice cream). Hope they'll turn out.  Thankfully, by the time we get to the bonfire, the group will have been drinking most of the day, so no one will notice if they are carpy.  We're also bringing Gluhwein (warm wine).  Try it !

Still monitoring the band.  Not really doing that much better with the killer shoulder pain (and I am taking tiny bites, chewing the mush food to death, waiting etc).  I'm no martyr ... if I need an unfill - I'm doing it.  And not that money should come into the pic when it comes to my health (see: surgery bills) - my no cost treatments ended yesterday.  The office manager did tell me (and I made her repeat it) - they don't charge for unfills. Note, I do not trust (or care for) this woman. We'll see ... I have to remember that every one is different, every day with every food.

I'm torn with the World Series.  I've made some AWESOME friends who are Texas Rangers fans (oh you know who you are!) but my nephew and finance live in St. Louis so all no matter who wins - I'll be :)

Coco is doing well on her new regiment of being a lap cat.  I think the heat of my laptop helps.  She wiggles the laptop off my lap and then has settled in for the last two nights.  Oops.  Tomorrow is Caturday, not today.

The carpool galpal has called ... I'm off !

Ten Things Thursday - a new decade and huge thanks

1.   Why am I up at this hour (and have been up for an hour) - jet lag.  MAJOR jet lag.  The only bright spot is the jet lag haze has covered up my depression for leaving my sister and her family.  It will pass, I know.  I go thru this with my other sister as well. 


2.   HUGE thank you to VickyD (who I've been following since before I was banded).  She was so open on Lapbandtalk, I found her blog and then decided that if SHE was blogging - then so was I !!  Anyway, Vicky sent me a HUGE package of clothes (jeans, capris and two pair of trousers).  I have a new wardrobe that I can either wear now or can shrink into !!  And, she wrote a sweet note and included some aromatherapy trinkets (which I LOVE!).  Unbelievably generous with both advice and clothes - I think she's just awesome !


3.  New decade here over at BFB ... since I haven't had a regular weigh in for a few weeks - I'll summarize:  I'm down 32 lbs since surgery (12 weeks today - waving hello to JRD - my bandtwin) and 42 lbs down since pre-op diet.  LOVE IT !


4.   I am definitely feeling the additional 2ccs of fill (that I received on Tuesday).  Am monitoring every bite of the mush meals I've had and again, I can really feel the band.


5.    Since I will be one of *those* bandsters who don't want to be too tight ... I'm just going to have to see where I go with this.


6.   On Tuesday, I checked out the new gym I found right before my trip.  WOW !  Of course, it's new so it should be WOW but WOW !  The pool looked awesome, they provide towels, four stations with large vanity/large mirror and hair dryer and a little thingee to wring out your bathing suit.  


7.   Will be cutting the cable bill in order to pay for the gym but that's ok.  


8.   I still can't get over Vicky's generosity.  I'm also reminded of Samatha's - I'm with the Band (http://alapbandblog.blogspot.com/) awesomeness in sending me a dress a few months ago.  


9.   I am guessing that 10 Things Thr (thanks Laura - http://beerdogsandhealth.blogspot.com/) is suppose to be short, concise bullet points.  I'll blame the jet lag.


10.  Is it Friday yet?

Wine Down Wednesday

Coco moved onto my lap so I am holding my laptop in my left palm and typing with my right hand.  Cat trumps blog.


Fill of 2 ccs from yesterday is 'real'.  Finally felt left shoulder pain that I have read about. Weird.


Time change, jet lag and return to work did not make for a fun day.  


Witty sign off gets typed here. 

Home again, home again, jiggity-jig

OMG ~ thank you to my Secret Bandster !!  Just picked up a pile of mail (and yet another bill from surgery) - discarded 99%, saved the little package until the end and my Secret Bandster got me a gift card for Barnes & Noble !!  I lovelovelove to read so this is perfect. AND ... (how cute is this) ... a Yankee Candle air freshener called Sun & Sand !  I have never seen anything so cute (it looks like a tiny candle !!).  Thank you, Secret Bandster ... you're awesome !!


So, I'm home from Deutschland without incident with the taxi, train, bus, plane, US Customs, luggage and as I walked out of the airport - tada - there were my parents.  Picture this ~ yesterday morning, the taxi arrived at my sister's apartment five minutes early.  She opened the window and just waved at the guy.  Like in a movie.  I thought that was funny :)  On the radio at 545am: Frankie Goes to Hollywood ... Relax don't do it .. When you want to to go to it ... relax :)


Today, was 100000000 errands to include checking out the gym I want to join (will use the 7 day guest past first), buying PB2 (that stuff is awesome) and to the doc for a fill.  Happily, I've barely eaten today, I'm well on my way to drinking the 100 oz of water that I want to drink and by staying up to 7:30pm, I will have surpassed my bedtime from last night.


All is good. 

Do I believe the German scale?

Guten Morgen, meine Freundin.  


Well, I've been thinking about Dawnya's post on restriction and Ronnie's comment that I am just suppose to eat less (as in, the band won't stop me from eating) but I just keep thinking that I am eating (am able to eat) too much !  For example, the other day, I ate a baguette sandwich with some kind of spread, mozzarella cheese pieces and small tomatoes.  I ate the whole thing.  Slowly. Small bites.  Chewed it to death.  Set the baguette down. Watched the clock.  Asked myself if I was still hungry. Do you see where I'm going here? And I ate the entire thing. Oh, I wish I had taken a photo. 


I will be doing the reset of good habits when I return home (which I am not thinking about).  You know: lots of water, dense protein, weighing food, etc.  NOT bread at every meal (which has been delish, bytheway). 


C'est la vie.


While I have been averaging over 11,000 steps according to Body Media FIT (my pedometer has registered more), I simply have not felt any smaller.  I'll use a phrase from Deb (http://provokingpracticality.blogspot.com/), or rather from her Doorman: I feel thick. 


If I believe the scale here in Deutschland, I'm down 3.5 lbs. This is over the past two weeks - forgot to weigh in last Thr - too busy trying to get on a plane for a total of 41.1 lbs since pre-op diet (began on 7/7).  If my sister's scale is right - I'll take it :)  


Whine/wine over.  

No, I did not buy this wine.  Bought the full calorie ~ full flavored wine and just assumed that I walked off the calories. 

Ten Things Thursday

1.  Germany is much cleaner than I remember. Or maybe Dusseldorf is much cleaner than Frankfurt. 

2.  There are far fewer smokers than I remember.

3.  My niece's schuler is 750 steps for the drop off and I keep forgetting to check the steps for the pick up.  My nephew's kindergarten is 1100 a total of steps with a tram ride in between all of the steps. Bringing them to school and picking them up has been a highlight of this trip.   

4.  There are 44 steps up to my sister's apartment.  I am reminded that I am not 25 years old anymore.  There are 11 steps in my condo. 

5.   I recall an orthopedic surgeon saying there are only so many step (stair steps) that your knees can take in a single lifetime.  I wonder if he was talking about American steps or if this was a worldwide statistic. 

6.   I love the German pool-bathhouse.  Either they use a different type of chlorine or the pool is barely chlorinated.  There is no chemical smell or feel to the water.  And the currents that are set up all throughout give the best massage.  Ahhh .... wunderbar !

7.   A shout-out to my band-twin JRD (http://canuckbanditmusings.blogspot.com/) !  I think we're at 11 weeks out from surgery.  I forgot to weigh myself this morning and you know that if it's not first thing in the morning - it does not get done !

8.   Another shout-out to my July-Band-Sister, Rachel (http://fatfishskinnysea.blogspot.com/).  Unfortunately, I was not able to get to Paris and try to meet up with her.  Went to a Pier 1 on steroids store today and immediately thought of Debi (http://losingandchange.blogspot.com)

9.  I need a fill !!!  I am a tad concerned that the 4 ccs from the first fill have somehow been absorbed (and I don't even want to think about what means) but I have NO restriction.  While I'm eating less ... I simply feel no restriction whatsoever.

10.  Time is flying wayyyyyyy too fast ....  

10.  

My niece, the nutritionist

I've been saying this for years: brains skipped a generation (in my family) and I could not be happier.  In other words, my two older nephews are super-smart (full ride academic scholarships to undergrad, graduate and now one is on a full ride whatever is it called for his PhD).  And the two younger ones are also brilliant (or, as the English say: Brill).


When I arrived here in Germany, I showed my niece my pedometer and my BodyMedia FIT.  Showed her how I log calories in myfitnesspal.com and then copy this info over to the FIT webiste.  While not interesting, I was trying to explain the 'why' of the FIT, pedometer, etc.


When walking to school this morning, Rita asked: how many calories did you have yesterday?  We talked about that for awhile.  Then she commented: did you notice that I gave you a few more steps yesterday?  When I was brushing my teeth I put on your pedometer (I must have taken it off) and marched while brushing.  Brill and hilarious.


4000 miles from home and I get a no-charge nutritional consult from an eight year old. 


Finally able to post Schokolade from our weekend adventures.

I passed on the hot chocolate (this time)

Had a great day yesterday.  Went to an indoor and outdoor (covered) pool with my sister and family.  I won't bore you with the little bit of German I know calling it ... oh, whatever it is called auf Deutsch.


The Germans do love the the therapeutic aspects of swimming as there was a section where the current would turn on and oh what an awesome massage !  The thing that caught my attention was: the pool was barely chlorinated.  So, there was no steam, no 'indoor' pool sensation.  It was so different and I liked it !


After lunch, (bread and cheese for me) we went to the altstadt (old town by the Rhine River) and walked around there - like all Germans do on a Sunday afternoon.  Stopped at the worldest longest bar (a few city blocks of bar after bar).  Did NOT stop (this time) for Schokolade but took a photo for JRD, my Band-Twin.  


Later this week, my sister and I will head back to this area to do a bit of cheesy touristy shopping and then we will stop in and enjoy :)


Poof.  I cannot get the picture to post.  My internet connection is in German so all of the pages are in German and I can't seem to click to attach it. Nachstes mal (next time).

Gym - finally checked off the list !

The day before I left for Germany I finally found a gym that fits most of my needs ~ yahoo !  


Location ~ decent.


Hours ~ excellent.


Pool ~ YES !!  Both a lap pool and a therapy pool.  The lap pool includes a 'five foot deep water lane for cardio training'.  I'm hoping that somewhere in here I'll be able to return to treading water. And, there's a hot tub.

Classes ~ not that I'm ready for this but when I am ~ there are roughly 20 different types of classes ... included.


Price ~ doable.  Hey, I'm all about me, right? 


And, if I were ahead of the game and could have signed up on the night before my trip (no way in h*ll) - the last day of the five week open house (I had just found this place) I could have had a month free.  Details, mere details. 


Oh well.  Finding a gym is finally off the list !

Ten Things Thursday - although it's Saturday, I think

1.   I fit comfortably in my seat on the plane.  There was no one next to me which is always a bonus. 


2.   I felt like I walked 10 miles from the time I landed in Germany until the time I got to my sister's apartment.  But it was only 5300 or 9600 steps on my pedometer (I'm not changing the time on my pedometer so the steps are a combo of Thr and Friday.  I think.)


3.   Reminder to be kind to those who do not speak English as their first language.  


4.   I miss my niece, nephew and sister terribly and am thrilled to be able to babysit, go for coffee with Rita - she gets hot chocolate and give her and Hugh massages.  


5.   When I asked Rita what she misses the most she replied: going to see Cloudy and Gampy (my parents-her grandparents) every month.  I choked up.


6.    Damn. Everything so expensive here.  Except wine.  ::: sipping 3 Euro wine :::


7.    Skyped Cloudy and Gampy at dinner so they could eat with us.  Looked at myself and said: geez, I still look like a cow.   :(


8.    When Rita and I went for coffee - the gal said: "English?"  I immediately thought - ahhh ... she sees a fat American.  Rita said: she probably saw you looking at everything (while she didn't say - like a tourist .. I think that was her intent ... Rita is brilliant.)


9.   I can't believe that American cable is so expensive that my sister and BIL won't get it.  Set your priorities.


10.  Depending on how things go, I may hop a train for a day and zip to Paris. If so, I'll be looking up beautiful Rachel (Medium Sized Fish in a Sea of Skinny)
.

Ich bin ein Dusseldorfer

Hallo from Deutschland !


Thursday and Friday were a blur and I am trying to get adjusted to the the time change here in Germany.


The last time I was in Germany was 30 year ago (argh - I hate showing my age 'that way'.  My Dad took a transfer when I was in high school so my parents, younger sister and I moved to the Frankfurt/Weisbaden area for just about a year (my Dad's project ended and we moved right back into our old house).  When we lived here, my sister and I went to Frankfurt International School (F.I.S.) and you would not believe how many people I have run into (in the 30 year since - geez, I have got to stop saying that number) who have been to F.I.S. I guess if you lived in MI, somehow got transferred to Germany - your parents worked for a car company and you went to FIS.  The woman next to me on the plane - her husband went there as did her kids.  They are all originally from MI.  As my sister would say: Germany is a small country.


I can see that I will most likely be on the European diet while I am here (cafe, cheese, the smallest amount of bread possible, the smallest amount of chocolate possible and a large amount of German wine).  And, walking.  Mass amounts of walking.


The plan today was to go swimming but I got a late start (took a Tylenol PM to sleep but could barely wake up).  Hopefully, we will go tomorrow.  Tschus !

My bags are packed ...

I'm off to see my precious niece and nephew.  I'll be blogging from Deutschland. Hope everyone is back home from BOOBs safe and sound.  

The To Do List

I'm going to try and repeat last Saturday (minus dead-flat tire) and go to the library, have a friend over for coffee and go find a belt. The best laid plans ...

Oh, and I'm eating like a normal person again.  I had my first fill back on Friday, 9/8.  (2 of the original 3 ccs leaked out - I think the word was absorbed; they added 3 for a total of 4 ccs)  I haven't really felt 'restriction' but had read that sometimes it takes a few days.  Yes, if I ate too fast (note, I never ate to fast while on LOA from work), I felt uncomfy for a bit - but no real restriction to speak of.  I wanted to go for a fill last Saturday - due to car probs - did not happen.


I called the surgeon this week for an appointment.  They recommended an UNFILL due to my flight to Europe.  Oh, no ... not with only 4 in me and I'm not feeling restriction.  I made an appointment for when I return as I want to get in a fill before I have to start paying for them. Poof !!  On the bright side, I suppose, that I should not have any probs while in Deutschland. 


Grocery shop, manicure, return shelf to Lowe's meatloaf, mash potatoes, peanut butter cookies, laundry, nap with the fur-child ... I am living the dream.